It's been nearly 5 months since my last Blog post. Five long months.
This past year has been very intense and stressful - lots of unanticipated uprooting and letting go of dreams, places and things that were a long time and hard work in the making. During the intensity of the immediate experience, it was all about survival. I just had to get through it, but I kept thinking, "I can't wait to get to the other end of this". Sometimes all that got me through was anticipating how good it was going to feel when I resumed the Play button on my intended life, after this unwanted and painful Pause.
So now I've reached "The Other Side". And it's not at all like what I'd been anticipating. Instead of Play - Resume Business As Usual, all I seem to be capable of is wanting to curl up and Do Nothing!! To make matters worse, I've been beating myself up over it. Over and over I ask myself, "Where is your motivation?", "What's wrong with you", "You've got to get things figured out pronto and get back in the saddle", "Take back control of your life already".
Knowing of my internal struggles, a dear friend sent me this a few days ago, and I was so moved by how right it felt to me, I wanted to share it. Perhaps you are also emerging on the other end of having your life turned upside down, or know someone who has, and are struggling to resume what you think your "normal" life should look like. I hope this helps, just like it did for me.
"The process of adapting to change and loss takes energy. Grief is draining, sometimes exhausting. Some people need to cocoon for transformation while going through grief. We may feel more tired than usual. Our ability to function well in other areas of our life may be reduced temporarily. We may want to hide out in the safety of our bedroom.
Grief is heavy. It can wear us down. It is ok to be gentle with ourselves when we’re going through change and grief. Yes, we want to maintain the disciplines of recovery, but we can be compassionate with ourselves. We do not have to expect more from ourselves than we can deliver during this time. We do not even have to expect as much from ourselves as we would normally and reasonably expect.
We may need more rest, more sleep, more comfort. We may be more needy and have less to give. It is ok to accept ourselves and our changed needs during times of grief, stress and change.
It is ok to allow ourselves to cocoon during times of transformation. We can surrender to the process and trust that a new, exciting energy is being created within us. Before long, we will take wings and fly."